3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
