I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My feet surprised me
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