it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
