My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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