At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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