Umm I'm too high to move.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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