Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
