She said her name was "party"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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