I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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