I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
