So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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