Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
this hospital has no fireball
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
