She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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