Don't you send me to vm
I am puke
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
