Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
