Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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