FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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