Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
