Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
