You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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