could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
