1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
