I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
