the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
