david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
