okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
