Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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