I just threw up on my dentist
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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