I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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