I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize