Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
