I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All the doctor said was why
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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