what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
