are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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