some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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