did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
