We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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