Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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