Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
