i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
