So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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