why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
