She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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