my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
