Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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