it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
