i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
