My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
