I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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