using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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