You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
