Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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