Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
