Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
