I wish i was in the wii world.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
