My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize