You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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