If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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