Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
