I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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