Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
