apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
