and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
