So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
