closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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