Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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