Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
