Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
