just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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