are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize