this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
