so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
