you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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