He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
