I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
