Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
