why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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