During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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