My Higher Power is John Stamos
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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