If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
