Whats the glycemic index on semen?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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