Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
