four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
