Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
