Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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