if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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