im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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