how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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