I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
