peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
