JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
