They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize