Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
