You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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