Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
