Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
