Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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