I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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