Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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