you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
