You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
