You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
