i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
