thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
