My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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