Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how drunk are you?
Several
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
