Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
