9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They have beer where we have blood.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
