yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
