I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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