If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
