I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
