I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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