Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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