I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
