I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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