im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
